Grace Wins

A little lesson I've learned this month - balancing two kids, two stores, and a whole other magnitude of "things." I've failed in some areas, and excelled in others, but  I've learned to give myself grace through it all. Grace wins every time!

If you know me, you know I absolutely love to read and write. 

I journal almost daily (crazy weeks will see me journaling about once a week but I try to do more frequently). I mostly write letters to my kids about things they did or said, what happened in the world, and how I'm feeling. I share the good, the bad, and the ugly with them. I know it's weird, but I picture Knox as a 30-year-old man with kids of his own, reading what his mom wrote him years ago. Perhaps, he will read about a tantrum he threw and then laugh off the tantrum he just went through with his own daughter (payback... am I right? Also, if we apologize to our parents for our childhood antics, could karma maybe choose to skip some poor decisions we made? Asking for a friend...).  

I write to remember and I write to reflect. Maybe Kramer will read about how her poorly-timed-first-ear-infection made me pause in a busy season....and she will choose to say 'no' to that activity that simply isn't her "best yes." We have had quite the run with sickness this year with both kids. I've been at home 7 of the last 12 working days. This normally wouldn't be a big deal (shameless plug: I have the best team EVER) - but we're rolling literally THOUSANDS of new items into our system and our websites right now. Read: I DO NOT HAVE TIME TO BE AT HOME AWAY! 

I read a post last week about being a "working mom."

It talked about the mental loads of both work and home - often unrecognized by ourselves and others. Did I order grocery pickup? Did I forget to do grocery pickup? Who is getting the kids today, I have to work late? I know I read a text last night from a friend, but now I can't remember who? Did I reply? Both kids' daycares need checks today! OH MY GOSH I DIDN'T GET DIAPERS. Is that order shipping in time for Black Friday? Did I remember to post that new arrival? ARRIVAL. My cousin had a baby! We need a gift ASAP! 

I also read a post last week about how there is no such thing as a "working mom." 

We are simply MOM. And I couldn't agree more. We are all working moms. Some of us work solely at home (props to the SAHMs everywhere!!!) Some of us leave home and go to jobs (that we may not even love or even kind of like for that matter) and we still are MOM even when we're there. So this week, and the last two weeks actually, I've been feeling guilty and pulled no matter where I am. I'm at home with sick kids feeling guilty that my team is handling it all alone. I'm at work and away from my kids feeling guilty that I'm having to work longer on these days to get it all done. 

I say all of the above to say this - if you're a mom, you're not alone. This Instagram world we live in is tough to navigate. My Papa once told me, "MacKenzie, you've got to be tough in this world to survive." (I'm pretty sure I was belly-aching to him about some petty high school friend drama LOL). He was such a wise man - and I've taken that advice and used it for so many years. Sometimes, I've put up an armor to feelings and emotions and probably been too tough. Other times, I've faced strong feelings and emotions head on, even despite how tough they were to walk through... In this season, my "toughness" will come in the form of grace. I am doing my best every day for my family and at the end of the day, no matter where I was working.... I was enough. Friends, I hope you can feel that way too!